Ego death through surrendering to fear

From a PEERS member: Ego death through fear

“In 1987 I started doing large therapeutic LSD experiences, and consistently went through an experience commonly called “ego death.” My ego did not want to let go and these early experiences were agonizing and terrifying, as the force of the LSD pulverized and dissolved my ego. I made this drawing of the visual aspect of this process. Early in this trip, I would be surrounded for hours by a three-dimensional cloud of chattering death’s heads and bat-like creatures. I could hear their teeth chattering and clicking, and feel the wind from their wings. After hours of curled-up-in-the-fetal-position suffering, my ego would finally let go and then there would be a huge shift in the journey, usually to a high spiritual place.

This was a familiar pattern for the first eight experiences or so. Then on a particular trip I was encountering the death’s head and I just looked at them and realized that I was seeing them exactly as I had seen them on the last trip — they were repetitive and in reality, they were not capable of doing anything. I laughed and asked them, “Well, is that all you’ve got?” At that moment they dissolved like smoke and I have never seen them again. In an odd way I miss them.” — PEERS member

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